Or you could spend some quality time with your daughter.
  It seems like you're giving me a choice, but you're not, are you.
    Nope. She's not.  And the only way to get free will back is to stop caring if you ever get to hit that again, am I right?

So how old does that make you?
  That depends, are we talking dog years or horny old bastard years?

I didn't know it was your birthday tomorrow!  You are definitely getting a cake.  What flavor do you want, chocolate or vanilla?  Wait, don't answer, I want to surprise you. It's gonna be chocolate, I like chocolate.

Oh, fun. Could you also have them write "Mind your own damned business" in icing and then jam your face into it so the message really sinks in?

You're four.  People are actually starting to understand about a third of what you say.
  I like lightning ice cream bicycle stuff pizza!
Fantastic.

Damn Izzy, you lookin fine, girl!
  Thank you, Sam!  You not only have a soft spot in your heart, but you have one in your head!
Whaddya say we hit up a Wiggles concert, then go back to my crib, pop open some formula, see what happens?
  Come here and taste this brown sugar.  Taste this brown sugar!
Turk, we can't make them kiss until Sam can hold his head up for real.

We're up at six.  Then I feed him, then I bathe him, then it's poopy time, then it's his poopy time.

The other day when Doctor Cox brought his daughter into the hospital, Sam definitely turned his head.  Ok, I turned it, but I could tell he wanted me to.

Ok, I'm gonna ask you this one last time.  Do you need anything?
  No.  I'm cool.
    Hooch is crazy!
      I know, and the best part is, Rex doesn't know Hooch is crazy.
    Well he'll know by the end of the day!

Chocolate Bear!
  Vanilla Bear!
    Caramel Bear!

Dude, just because we never saw Ricky on campus again doesn't mean he's dead.
  His parents came and packed up all his stuff, Turk.  And his roommmate got straight A's that semester without even going to class.

Well I'm 47 and recently lost the ability to breakdown dairy products.  But other than that I'm dandy, thanks for asking.
  Whoa, TMI, right Josh?  Too Much Information!
Tell you what, I'm gonna let you hang out with Nurse Early Ninety Catchphrases, here.

Ok listen up, I need everybody to clear their schedules tomorrow because we're going to have a little party for Kelso's birthday.
  Kelso makes my life hell!  Now I know I usually cave, but there's no way I'm going to his party.
I understand, Ted.
  Fine, I'll go. Damnit!
I made arrangements for a cake, I just need someone to pick up the decorations.
  Fine I'll get them.  What's happening?

Although actually I do hear bells.  But now they're gone.  Anyway, I'll help.
  Ok, cool because I was wondering if I should
Hold it. They're back...  They're gone....no.  Hang on, go, stop.  Bells...bells...bells...no bells.
  Why don't we start with
Stop. Go.  Stop.

Ok, we're both off, so I planned our plan.
  You just used the same word twice in the same sentence.
You just did too.
  That is so weird that I didn't even notice that I did that.  Same word four times one sentence!
Dude you're in the zone!

That guy in 204 asked me if I wanted to finish his fried chicken!
  But you love fried chicken.
And I ate that badboy like it was my last meal, but I wasn't happy about it.

What just happened?
  Do you want to put your hands on the back of your head like you do when you're upset?
I do, a little.

I say we cut off Kelso's legs and we count the rings.
  That only works on trees.
And puppets!

That almost burned me.  Know what I would have done if it did?  Burn for a burn, baby!  That's in the Bible.
  Hooch is crazy!

Write this down instead.  I John Dorian, write it down, am a ridiculous thirtytwo year old overgrown infant.  I mean my god two weeks ago you were asking everybody if you should grow up.  And here I thought you were having some big epiphany, you were gonna be more of an adult now that you have a child. My bad. Oh and, if I forgot to congratulate you, let me do that now.  Way to go.  We are all super proud of you.

What has two thumbs, a funny voice, and still doesn't give a crap?  Bob Kelso!  I added the funny voice to keep it fresh.

You're old!  Yes, I've been saying that every time the doors open for the last two hours, and I finally got my man.Come up, give it up, little something....still got time, we'll do it later!

Are you following me?  Because I will cut you.

The Winstons aren't ready to litigate yet but they're still angry.  You need to mitigate the situation because they have a really good lawyer.
  Honestly Ted I'm just surprised you know the difference between litigate and mitigate.
They're lawyer taught me!  I'm telling you, the guy's really good!

I really don't want to go into mitigation on this one!  Wait...yeah, that's right.

I'm about to use the toilet right now.  So I hope you all are happy with the order you're standing in right now.  Because if you follow me in there, that is the order that I am going to kill you.  Oh yeah, today's gonna be a good day!  Yes it is!

You read my private personnel file?
  You can read mine if you want.  Of course it says my name is Captain Billy Stinkwater and I'm half gopher.

Getting older comes with tons of perks, I mean you command more respect, you get discounts.
  People think it's adorable when you toot?
    Look, I don't care about getting older.  *toot*
Awwww!
  See?

I'm not talking to you.
  If it was anybody else I'd say thank you and let it die, but since it's you I gotta know what I don't get.

Well it's like last year when the safety break failed on Enid's wheelchair and she started rolling towards the pool, I told myself "Bob it's already too late to stop it so you might as well sit back and enjoy it."

So Bob, I just dropped by to tell you we need to find an interim orthopedic surgeon.  Apparently Doctor Hooch was involved in some kind of hostage situation.
  Well Hooch is crazy.

Who cares about losing your childhood, I damn sure didn't.
  Maybe because your parents were violently abusive alcoholics.  Not that there's anything wrong with that!  It was probably very exciting.

Yeah, the only thing I hate worse than simultaneous speaking is when people try to get me to finish their sentences.

So Bob, as you know it's our policy to have administrators step down when they reach 65.  Over the next few months we'll be searching for your replacement.
  Do me a favor and keep this between us.

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